New Employment Rules~

New Employment Rules

SICKDAYS
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.

SURGERY
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider having anything removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

HOLIDAYS
Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends or relatives. Every effort should be made to have non-employees to attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch-hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.

ABSENT FOR YOUR OWN DEATH
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice to allow time for you to train your own replacement.

TOILET USE
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance: All employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8.00 to 8.20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8.20 to 8.40 and so on. If you are unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both workers' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing.
In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the toilets. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract, and the door will open.

LUNCH BREAK
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim fast and take a diet pill.

DRESS CODE
It is advised that you must come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing designer clothing we will assume that you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay rise.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation's or input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice day !
The Management

My so-called-company Rules

I even sick also come to work leh...for past one yr no MC, but only get RM100 as reward! bloody hell! coz everyday employee entitled RM200 medical claim, i not even claim anything, u should be fair enuff pay me RM200 right? WTF?! So this yr i took 1 day MC liao..Who care?
This stewpiak company doesn't give any panel clinic, lagi the best! you just simply go any clinic will do, as long as your doctor give your MC lah. Then back to claim for medical treatment fee up to RM200 per year.
One year we entitled 30 days MC, so my staff have plan how many MC wanna to take in a month whenever they dun feel wan to work!
We also entitled 60 days hospitalization, once you are so damn 'lucky' (unlucky) admit to hospital then you are able to get sick leave with pay. But mind you that our medical insurance only covered private hospital, for general hospital you have to pay first, and all medical only covered 80%, the rest 20% you need to fort out ur money from your pocket. So, "Touch wood", better don't step in into any hospital, as you know our hospital all well-known as SENDIRI BERHAD!
Emergency leave is allowed! But deduct from your annual leave! If you don't want to waste money to pay doctor for MC then you can claim emergency leave lah!
It also applicable to your cat / dog passed away...hahaha...
For compassionate leave, only for your immediate family provided with death certificate. Even your far end relative uncles / aunties passed away also can..depends on how good are you to produce the death cert loh..
For tea-break time, you may allow to have your own sweet time to enjoy ur coffee/tea and your ciggy time. We called it 'snacky' time. I can arrange my own lunch time for one hour break. Flexible right? Duty meal is provided in cafeteria, FOC one!
Only certain employees are uniform provided, some laundry provided, some wear your own choice of clothes but only formal dress code is allowed.
For toilet used, i can choose to use staff washroom or guest washroom, i can spend own sweet time inside the washroom playing my mobile games,sms-ing and 'baking chocolate cake'. muahahhaha....
We only have a buzzer buzz every 30 min to remind you to wash your hand (only for operation)...but who care?

RULES ARE MEANT TO BREAK!